Dearest ummmmmm yeah Nearest,
Today is a good day, a day like many other days where my toes and my nose are nearly froze, a day for saying and for doing and hopefully thinking, thinking about thoughts I would like to think. Yesterday N and I played in the snow, target practice against a big tree, trying to hit the nob with fingers in work gloves unprepared for things like throwing or freezing temperatures. Thank goodness for good things like full sun and laughing.
It wasn't until I changed my target that I hit it right on the head. That must be reflective of something.
I've started working for Naples, and I am enjoying the casual atmosphere within a procedural structure. That seems like a good balance to have, room to play but a way things are done. Yesterday we finished another maybe third of the flooring in the bedroom. Words to the wise! Furnish only after the floors are down, or else you'll be playing a game of move this there and that yonder again and again.
I'm falling into routine. I feel the urge to produce stirring within. I feel the hump of it all somewhere just behind me. I need to remember that I'm declaring the worst over! And it wasn't even so bad really, in the bigger picture of it all. Hopefully it's not yet to come!
I'm feeling protective, safeguarding, that's a natural part of winter. Stocking up. Bracing myself, yet leaving room for the guard to come down. Trying to figure out how to make it all fit.
This will be a good year. I'm deciding it. Not that turning a new page of the calendar really marks any sort of great tidal shift, but perhaps the opportunity to decide that it does. Is it really so bad to feel joy about being a woman, about making a house? Maybe it's not all about accolades and accomplishments on paper. Maybe I will find renewed satisfaction in life if I don't say it has to be this way and not that. But I am a micro-manager, I am specific and intense, I should allow myself to just like the things I like and not think my goals have to be a certain way. That removes the humanness of it all, perhaps. Maybe I could just set down that need for something to be more than what it is. I do not want to fight. What if it is good? And it was good!
Maybe in a day or a week or a month or some years I will re-evaluate again.
Yours with a pair of wool socks,
Elise