The sun shines today!
Even though I am sitting inside yet another not-amply-windowed box I know the sun is out today. I went to get a coffee during work yesterday's yesterday not because I even wanted the coffee but because I have been craving sunlight. It seems that every day that I have the plan to be outdoors it is grey lately, and maybe that's just bad foresight.
We are dogsitting currently, and it's nice to have a companion around, a door greeter, a cuddlebug with a warmer temperature. Apparently she goes on a hike every day that is at least three miles (must have good heart health!) but indoors is the laziest lounger. I can understand. We also tried re-arranging the furniture again last night but I think it was a mistake. One that can be undone but not without more effort, which nullifies the first effort but you still feel it in your back and bones. Another push pull of the couch into yet another slightly different spot and I think it will be working again. Another trip to the dump to unload more boxes of stuff and I think it will be working.
I am contending with the idea of "stuff." I'm stuffed to the brim with stuff. Stuff feels like it has no value where objects feel like at least they have an idea of meaning something. I am an ample producer of stuff, acquirer, accumulator, not easily discarding-er. I have reckoned with the idea of some degree of hoarder-er. Maybe I am just an appreciator.
I have been waitlisted for a residency at Wassaic. This is good news that it's not outright rejection but obviously not the direct validation I want to find in my inbox. I have to remember that I'm still young, I'm still finding my footing, and also that I am employed and not always able to jet off for weeks or months.
Maybe it's time to make an object?
Perhaps I am not flat-lining on ideas but within the confines of painting?
How can I get back to playing?
I need to buy my tickets to Iceland tonight. It will most likely be more than it should be because my indecision or apprehension or disbelief in the calendar has led me to waiting so long. I'm not sure where the struggle with making things happen comes from when I have made so many things, made so many things happen, I am so capable.
It's time to make another to-do list, one that I can check on and check off. Perhaps then I will feel a degree of order and with that some semblance of control of the situations at hand and foot.
Checking boxes and pressing buttons,
Elise