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the heat of the moment

Hark! Holy Hot! Here I am months later still facing temperature issues-- something about inverses and equals and opposites. It's all green light and the car windows down and little clippies to keep the hair out of my face. And the light really is green, and so too the ground and the shade and every inch is taken. I feel my Iceland palette be corrupted by the same intense colors of past, and present, and seemingly again future. I'm holding on to those complexities, that dirty paint water. I'm looking back at this little face of my own, so many pasts meeting in the present. Hold it all tight. I feel a strong fondness for all these little color cards and how they have more intuition. Oh a conglomerate of things all happening, all the time, so quick and so slow, all at once. The clock ever ticks on with a rate that seems to be moving towards unnatural. I feel like I'm trying to figure out how to talk about my work again while forgetting that I've been talking about it a...

return from hiatus

Dear Bears, I'm coming out of a hibernation of sorts-- not an extended sleep but a disruption from my schedule. After spending the most magical weeks in Iceland, in a remote little blip of a town, I feel a deep affinity for the land and a shock of seeing so much foliage after nothing but short low to the ground mosses. The imagery and the experience will stay with me for _____ (ever? a while? at least so far?). I mean look at this place, no softer bed has ever been made. No better place to lay my head, or the rest of me. It felt so great to be back in a studio space, a dedicated and focused place for making lacking in distractions like comfortable seating or chores or screens. I found that semblance of community I had been missing in my cohabitants, in the mountain peaks, in the birds gone fishin'. I already feel the yearning to return to a bubble that isn't my own... wrapped up in clay and breads and spoons and warm jackets. I have nothing but good things to say about a pl...

so long febBRR

The sun shines today! Even though I am sitting inside yet another not-amply-windowed box I know the sun is out today. I went to get a coffee during work yesterday's yesterday not because I even wanted the coffee but because I have been craving sunlight. It seems that every day that I have the plan to be outdoors it is grey lately, and maybe that's just bad foresight. We are dogsitting currently, and it's nice to have a companion around, a door greeter, a cuddlebug with a warmer temperature. Apparently she goes on a hike every day that is at least three miles (must have good heart health!) but indoors is the laziest lounger. I can understand. We also tried re-arranging the furniture again last night but I think it was a mistake. One that can be undone but not without more effort, which nullifies the first effort but you still feel it in your back and bones. Another push pull of the couch into yet another slightly different spot and I think it will be working again. Another t...

the pits of February

Dear world, I have been considering the selfish nature of conversation, how vocalizing or writing or whatever it is to another I inevitably stumble upon something of myself, or at least something that came out of myself, that I will hold onto. This way of discussing, particularly effective in the most long form version that comes from writing letters, where there is ample time to think or not think before you speak, and sit with it before it is heard, reminds/explains to/shows me what I've been keeping inside. Does that render this sort of quasi letter to no one an even more self-centered task? Or am I relieved of the burden of am I talking about myself too much when it's not directed at anyone in particular. This act of writing is more about documenting. It is okay to speak into the nothingness that is everything online. I want to share. N and I had a wonderful trip to New York, brief as time always feels there, yet important. It was nice to step out of life and run the water ...

another grey day to round out January

Dear me! I'm not sure if I'm starting to enjoy the cold blanket that lays over our heads or if I have simply given into the fact that it is a fact (no -oid). I'm unfolding a thought that heavily relies on experience-- in no new way yet reconfiguring. I don't often share the "behind the scene(s)" occasional heavy reliance upon the computer. These images I'm making feel so certain and yet permeable. Which is reflective of both the content and the process. Paper is so universal yet also fickle. I think I enjoy that, the needing something concrete to work from while also being subject to change. I was having a conversation with A + C about the state of creating, being an artist or maker or in today's day and age content creator. He said that the camera ruined painting. Maybe I am finding a way to let the camera in, considering the histories of process. In touch with the innovations of past tomorrows, while also maintaining the hand. One off isn't just ...

deep in the frozen not so tundra

Dearest ummmmmm yeah Nearest, Today is a good day, a day like many other days where my toes and my nose are nearly froze, a day for saying and for doing and hopefully thinking, thinking about thoughts I would like to think. Yesterday N and I played in the snow, target practice against a big tree, trying to hit the nob with fingers in work gloves unprepared for things like throwing or freezing temperatures. Thank goodness for good things like full sun and laughing. It wasn't until I changed my target that I hit it right on the head. That must be reflective of something. I've started working for Naples, and I am enjoying the casual atmosphere within a procedural structure. That seems like a good balance to have, room to play but a way things are done. Yesterday we finished another maybe third of the flooring in the bedroom. Words to the wise! Furnish only after the floors are down, or else you'll be playing a game of move this there and that yonder again and again. I'm fa...

at the top of the year

Dear Diary, seems more accurate-- I find myself here, in 2025, trying to keep pushing the boulder. I'm at a junction of sorts, perhaps arbitrarily as it seems I might have already passed the threshold of deciding. While my practice has been put aside, I find myself stepping into the role of a different type of maker, a builder, a contractor perhaps, a diy-er definitely.  This cabin, this fancy pants tent, has become the project on my horizon, I'm already knee deep in it. December was a month of everything that could go wrong, going wrong, and gratitude for all the hands that helped me right it. On top of everything December was the month I welcomed Nael back into my world, with just as much love and tenderness and aching as ever. Having a prop to keep my head above water, and an extra pair of hands to run the water gauntlet with, has made me more capable and tired. I can finally unclench and lay my head in a caring lap. Now, how to keep momentum and vigor while being so gentle,...